Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in katethegreat924@aol.com's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
12:50 am	Moving???? So, the tension finally broke tonight. For months life in my house has been awkward. Tonight was the night my roommate and I finally had the talk I've been both dreading and looking forward to. As she and her boyfriend have gotten more serious I've begun to wonder when the day would come that she and I would no longer be roommates. It seems that they have been talking, planning, and almost scheming behind my back, him wanting to move in and it just be the three of us all happily living together. My life is not a cheesy 70's sitcom, nor do I want it to resemble one. You can imagine what I had to say about that. So, tonight I let it out and told her- over my dead body. After she told me that he's been asking for months if he can move into our house, I gladly responded and told her I would be happy to leave! It's so sad how this has all happened. The girl who has been my friend for 12 years, who was the person I used to consider my closest and dearest friend has become just a roommate, and one that I haven't even enjoyed living with since her boyfriend walked into her life. I felt hurt and betrayed and wondered why in the world she wouldn't tell me that the man I dislike so much, her boyfriend, wants to move into our house. More than anything, I feel some sense of relief and excitement. I feel relieved to know that I don't have to live with her anymore. I feel excited to move to my own place, even if it's back to apartment living, just so I don't have to feel annoyed and hurt and frustrated by her anymore. The question now becomes, where do I go? Do I stay in Atlanta? Where do I look for an apartment? Am I ready to live by myself again? Can I afford this? I am praying for a miracle, for God to intervene and show me clearly what needs to happen. I want a sign, to hear the voice of God speak to me, to experience an amazing blessing that I can't even fathom. It will be moving time soon and I just hope I'm ready. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 29th, 2005
11:24 pm	For the last month I've been trying something new - not speaking my mind or saying what I'm really feeling. I thought that attempting to keep my mouth shut would make me forget about what's going on in my mind. Truth be told, bottling it all up inside hasn't done me much good Denial is not quite as effective as I'd hoped it might be. There are certain feelings and situations in life that I just can't talk or think myself out of. I believe that I will never have to go through more than I can handle, that challenges serve the purpose of making me stronger. I've let the fact that I'm single and completely without a boyfriend bother me. I've convinced myself that there must be something terribly wrong with me if no man loves me. What is it about this world, about society that pushes me to be in a relationship? I'm not even ready to get into another relationship, but I feel the pressure to find one and pursue it. My heart is still stuck in the last relationship. I beat myself up over it every day and tell myself that I should be farther along than this, that I should be over him and that I should be out looking for another man. Does this mean weeks, months or years more time spent as a single adult? I don't really know. What I do know is that far too many people get into relationships for the sake of having someone. I'd rather hold off for awhile and give myself to someone completely than give them what little part of me isn't currently broken. Life is strange sometimes. Wonderful things happen when we least expect and when we feel least ready. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 19th, 2005
8:38 pm	Refreshment Have you ever felt like you've been through a storm but not realized it until your dealing with the left-over destruction? The last few months have been a little stormy for me, but today was a day when I felt like the weather has changed and restoration has begun. It was beautiful and sunny and warm today. I spent the weekend with various friends and just felt loved and appreciated, much like the previous weekend in Orlando. It was good. It was so nice to be around the people I love, the people who love me, and to feel relaxed. I love when I've been through difficult circumstances and can look back and see how God has provided for me, even in the midst of my lack of faith and trust. I love seeing that I have a reason to hope and to be confident. I love that even in disappointment of my plans not coming to fruition, there is another plan, a better plan that will be. I feel refreshed and renewed. I feel hopeful and less worried about the future! It is wonderful. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 5th, 2005
8:57 pm	Being a Girl! Being a girl is a difficult task. Sometimes my head feels flooded with emotions and I wish that I could just turn them off. As of late, most of my emotions have to do with a man, more specifically, a man who is supposed to be only my friend, but whom I find irresistable. It's insane! I tell myself to get over, to get past it, to stop thinking about it and to just move on. Five months have gone by - I haven't moved on. Somehow, the feelings have actually managed to intensify. I see him and I want to tell him how hot he is. I smell his cologne and I want to tell him how good he smells. I hang out with him and I never want the day to end. I feel like a 12 year-old with a crush. The hard part - he knows! He knows that I'm struggling with my feelings for him, yet he never tells me what he thinks of me but hasn't stopped calling or hanging out. What's a girl to do? Will these feelings ever go away? Is there a way to ignore them? How can one guy get to me this much? I thought I was strong and independent and focused, but with him on my mind I feel far from those qualities. I want to scream. I want him to make a move one way or the other just so I can feel sane! (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 8th, 2005
7:32 pm	Busy! Sometimes I think that people who are constantly busy and never give themselves a moment to relax do so on purpose. I think when people over-schedule themselves, it's usually intentional. I used to do that. I used to work too much and have something planned almost all the time so that I wouldn't have too much time to think. The sad part - I love being busy. I love not having time to think. I despise down time and free time. I hate going to work on Friday when I know I have a weekend full of nothing planned. I like going on trips, road trips, vacations - anywhere at least an hour from home because it makes me feel like I'm escaping. Sometimes I wonder what has happened to me. Sometimes I wonder what possessed me to move so far away from my family and true friends. I now question what I was thinking. Why did I move away? I have friends here. I have co-workers here. I have people I can call. The problem is that they just aren't the same. Everyone I know either has a boyfriend/husband, is over-involved, or just works too much. Sometimes I wonder just how I fit into all this. I miss being around people who truly care about me. I miss having friends I can randomly call to hang out with whenever and wherever. I long to have that here in Atlanta, but it just doesn't happen. The men in my life here are the worst part of it - they only want to get so close and then they back away. Am I a difficult person to be friends with? Am I over-bearing? Do I expect too much from people? I miss college. I miss having built in friends around me all the time. I miss having a boyfriend and knowing that someone loves me and wants to hang out with me. I miss that comfortable feeling of picking up the phone and calling someone and just hanging out. Why is it so difficult? Why are people afraid of getting close to other people? Why are people afraid of intimacy? I know, however, that true friendships take time to develop. I know that sometimes we have to make ourselves vulnerable, that we have to take chances and go through rejection before things change. Is this the position I'm in? Am I asking too much by wanting companionship? These are the moments when I want to move back to Orlando! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, April 30th, 2005
10:37 pm	Bittersweet Time with my family always brings mixed emotions. As mean as it may sound, I often don't look forward to seeing them. Truth be told, it's because I hate leaving them. I may only live six hours away, but when I'm in Atlanta and they are in Florida, it feels so very far. I love the time I get to spend with them, but I hate having to say goodbye. I hate feeling like I'm going back to nothing. I'm not really going back to nothing, but there is so much of me that wishes I was going back to someone. These are the times I wish I had a boyfriend or a husband or a family of my own. The trips back, whether by plane or car, are lonely. Sure, I feel an amazing sense of independence and maturity, but I still wish there was someone to share it with. When I'm at Mom and Dad's house I often find myself wishing I had a man to bring home with me. These are times that I long to share with someone else That hasn't happened in quite some time. I really do think that I should cherish these times alone with my family -I'm pretty sure that someday I will have a boyfriend and husband and family of my own and I'll wish that I could just have some time alone. Will I ever be content with what I have? (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 24th, 2005
9:21 pm	Spring! Never in my life have I been so thankful that I don't live any farther north. Spring truly is a glorious time. Cold weather and snow and ice are really only enjoyable for so long. Our pool opened last weekend and it was absolutely wonderful to feel the warm sun. Months without it has made me appreciate the beauty of green grass and budding flowers and even the heat. It is wonderfully relaxing to have a place outside to read a book or just sit and think. I love Spring! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 27th, 2005
5:14 pm	Appreciation Sometimes I think it takes the lack of something to really, truly appreciate something. There are times when life is great and everything is wonderful and everyone seems fabulous, but then reality kicks in and something less-than-perfect happens. Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way we want it to and sometimes people disappoint us. Seeing the world through rose-colored glasses can make this reality seem somewhat harsh. I want to believe every word spoken to me. I want to believe that no one wants to hurt me and that I get what I give. The truth, in my opinion is that life isn't fair and things happen that we don't like. I do, choose, however, to believe that God will never give me more than I can handle. I think that regardless of how people have treated me or let me down, I have a responsibility to treat people the way I want to be treated, even if that never happens. I don't want to be like everyone else. I want to be the real me and use the gifts that I've been given. It's during these moments of truth that I appreciate what I do have and am thankful for the amazing people who are in my life. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 25th, 2005
10:50 pm	Driving! Spending seven hours in the car is not exactly my favorite thing to do on a Friday night, but I suppose it was worth it. Two and half hours into the drive I seriously questioned whether or not it was actually worth it to keep going. Having gotten less than thirty miles, I was quite discouraged and afraid I would never arrive. I hate Atlanta traffic! It made me want to scream, but there was no one to scream at. Oh, but how worth it the drive was. Just to get away, to spend a few days with my family. The drive may have been long, but how good it feels to be here! (1 Comment |Comment on this)